The Stories We Tell Ourselves: An Introduction to Fallacies
Some of the most powerful chains we carry aren’t physical — they’re mental.
They’re formed from beliefs and “truths” we’ve heard so often, we can’t imagine questioning them.
But what if some of those truths aren’t truth at all? What if they’re fallacies — flawed ways of thinking that quietly keep us stuck in cycles of shame, fear, and self-doubt?
I’ve seen these patterns take root in so many places: in our own self-talk, in the words of people we trusted, in harmful church culture, and in the manipulation of narcissists. They’re convincing because they sound reasonable — sometimes even righteous. But they are not rooted in love, freedom, or truth.
As Jesus said, “You will know the truth, and the truth will set you free” (John 8:32). Fallacies masquerade as truth, but instead of setting us free, they keep us bound. Naming them is the first step in loosening their grip.
This is the beginning of a new series where we’ll explore the most common fallacies that creep into our thinking and relationships — and how to break free from their hold.
What Is a Fallacy?
At its simplest, a fallacy is faulty reasoning — a thought that feels logical on the surface but crumbles when we look more closely. And when you’ve been worn down by manipulation or survival mode, those thoughts can sound so convincing.
Sometimes fallacies come from survival mode. Sometimes from years of manipulation. And sometimes from being taught something as “God’s truth” when it was really someone else’s control tactic.
Fallacies aren’t just abstract ideas. They sneak into the way we see ourselves, our relationships, even God. And if you’re like me, you’ve probably believed more of them than you realized — because they can sound so reasonable.
You may recognize phrases like:
“If you disagree with me, you’re against me.”
“You’re overreacting — let’s talk about your tone instead.”
“If you love me, you’ll do this for me.”
“It’s true because I said it’s true.”
“That’s not what I meant — you’re twisting my words!”
If these sound familiar, please don’t be hard on yourself. We’ve all been caught in them — often because they came from voices we trusted or loved. The fact that you’re here, reading and reflecting, is already proof that you’re breaking free.
Let me give you an example. A woman once shared with me that when she told her husband she was struggling in the marriage, his response was: “You can either stay and be faithful to God, or you can leave and prove you’ve turned your back on Him.” That’s a fallacy called a false dilemma. It erases every other possibility — like God’s heart for safety, freedom, and healing. When we don’t know how to name it, it sounds holy. But when we do, it loses its power.
Why This Series Matters
This series isn’t about pointing fingers or shaming ourselves for falling into these traps. It’s about awareness — shining a gentle light on the ways flawed reasoning can hold us hostage, and learning to replace those patterns with clarity, wisdom, and freedom.
After the Sunk Cost Fallacy article struck such a chord with so many of you, I realized how eager we are to name and dismantle these patterns. That’s what this series will do: walk through common fallacies that show up in our thoughts, our relationships, church culture, and even in the manipulation of narcissists.
If you’ve believed these fallacies, it doesn’t mean you’re gullible or weak. It means you were human — likely doing your best to survive in a confusing or painful environment. Naming them now is not about blame, but about reclaiming your clarity.
In my work as a trauma-informed counselor and coach, I’ve had the privilege of walking alongside many women who were bravely untangling themselves from mental webs spun by abusers, bad theology, or their own wounded inner voice. And I’ve seen again and again: God’s truth is never manipulative, never controlling, and never designed to keep us small.
Here’s the good news: once you learn to recognize fallacies, you begin to reclaim your power. What once felt confusing or even “your fault” starts to look different. You realize: I’m not crazy. I’ve been manipulated by faulty reasoning. And with that clarity comes freedom — freedom to trust yourself, freedom to hear God’s voice more clearly, and freedom to step into healthier patterns of love.
Reflection for You
Take a moment to notice: what phrases or “rules” from your past still echo in your mind? Do they sound loving and freeing — or do they leave you feeling small and silenced?
Write them down if you can. This practice alone can begin to break their hold.
What’s Coming Next
In the weeks ahead, we’ll unpack:
How to recognize a False Dilemma when someone insists there are only two options.
How a Red Herring can distract you from the real issue.
Why an Appeal to Emotion can be so effective in keeping you compliant.
How Circular Reasoning traps you in endless, exhausting conversations.
How a Strawman twists your words or intentions to make you look wrong.
Each article will explore these fallacies through real-life examples — from relationships, from church culture, and from narcissistic tactics — so you can learn to recognize them, name them, and step out of their grip.
A Final Word
As we begin this series, I’d love to hear from you: have you noticed any of these phrases in your own story? Or have you seen them used against you in relationships or church settings? Share in the comments — your story might be the exact encouragement another woman needs.
Every time you untangle one of these false stories, you make space for a truer one: that you are worthy, that your voice matters, and that love never demands your silence.
You don’t have to keep carrying every story that’s been handed to you. Together, we’ll learn to tell the difference between the lies that weigh you down and the truth that lifts you into freedom.
And until you can believe that for yourself, I’ll believe it for you.
Take Back Your Voice and Your Life
Some of the heaviest chains we carry aren’t physical—they’re the mental patterns shaped by fallacies we’ve been taught to believe. But you don’t have to face them alone. If shame, fear, or self-doubt have been holding you back, I can walk alongside you as you untangle these patterns and reclaim your clarity, confidence, and freedom.
Schedule a confidential consultation with me today, and together we’ll create a personalized plan to help you release shame, rebuild your confidence, and step into a healthier, more authentic life.
Be sure to check out my resource list as well, filled with trusted books, workbooks, and tools that support your journey toward clarity, healing, and empowerment.
You don’t have to carry every story that’s been handed to you. Step by step, we’ll separate the lies from the truth—and create space for your voice, your worth, and your freedom to shine.
With you,
Charlene Richardson, MA, LMHC
Trauma-Informed Counselor & Coach
